You've just found out you are expecting your first bundle of joy. You set the scene. You imagine long cosy cuddles, blissful walks through the parks, exciting shopping trips together, play dates etc, but here are some other wonderful experiences you can also expect....
- The Poonami - I'm sure every parent has experienced this! You've just put baby down for a nap, your friends and family are coming around to meet your little angel, you've boiled the kettle ready for some tea. Then, without warning, it hits you! Oh what's that smell??? *gasps* you pick up your baby and all you can think is oh my god their backside has exploded! It is everywhere, I mean literally every where! its down their legs, and up their backs all the way to their neck. Of course the only thing you really can do is cut them out of their clothes or risk further spreading of the poop! I remember my husbands first experience of this. He just looked at me like what the hell do I do? where do I start? I did laugh, just start by removing the clothes dear.
- The Public Poonami - well if its happened at home it may well happen whilst your out shopping, in public, maybe your in the queue waiting to pay or in the changing rooms, sigh.
- The Soldier - Not far off from the poonami I guess, this is when your little one has an accident but naughty mummy (or daddy) has forgotten to bring a spare change of clothes. Ergo your child has to soldier on with nothing but a t shirt and maybe a blanket wrapped around their waist, until you either get home or to a shop to buy some trousers and pants!
- Naps - If your like us, you may have a schedule for your baby, this is usually a set time when you put your baby to nap so you can get things done around the house or pop to the shops. in the beginning its bliss, it all works the way you want, then as they get older they aren't quite ready to drop their nap but they also don't want to take it either. This leaves you with a very grumpy, tired baby who may well end up napping two hours after you had planned and ends up staying awake most of the night. In all honesty, as much as I was dreading the last of the naps I much prefer it now they don't nap.
- Baby Led Weaning - somewhere, somebody coined this phrase with great enthusiasm. Put the food on the highchair (no plate... or clothes required!) and let them get on with it. It's a great way for your baby to explore and discover new tastes and textures. sure I get it in theory, but in reality, well this is what you end up with ......
- Fussy Eating - you spend half hour maybe an hour or longer prepping a healthy tasty meal for your child, they then turn around and decide just by looking at it that they don't like it. It may be the funny colour, the smell, the fact that the carrot touched the potato, but there will basically be no way you can convince them to eat it. Three options remain, get angry and cry, why wont they eat I only want them to be happy, option two oh well they can starve but you inevitably give in and cook them a pizza, option three leave it out on the table and if they're hungry they will eventually eat it!
- Hair Washing - oh dear god, my neighbours must think I'm torturing them! Well not so much my little girl, but you wash my sons hair and you'd think I'd have just poked him in the eyes! He screams, he cries, he splashes you, he will fight you, but he will learn eventually, to accept it.
- Teeth Brushing - apparently you should start when they get their first tooth, seems acceptable, but you try brushing one tooth let alone a whole mouth full. What usually works for me is lying them back on my lap and then brushing their teeth, yes they don't like it but it works. My daughters school has a dentist programme so they all brush their teeth everyday in school which is great, and my daughter is really good at doing her own now. My boy still just sucks the toothpaste off the brush and asks for more, but I guess at least it is doing something, isn't it?
- Public Weeing - We took our children out for the day to a fete, and hadn't long potty trained our daughter, so its to be expected really. Yes, she was running round playing in her grey leggings when I noticed a huge wet patch on the back. People will stare, people will judge, but I'm sure they were once that kid with the wet bum in public! Another example of public weeing is when the nappy leaks, same thing nice wet patch and a droopy nappy.
- Tantrums - The terrible twos we have all heard of and expect. Its how you deal with tantrums I think that helps them to calm down. We have done it all, shouted at them, ignored them and even joined in with them! There's the public 'I want that' show down where you either give in and buy them that toy or that chocolate, or you just pick them up and run. It's all a learning experience and there is no right or wrong just what works best for you. I find just ignoring it works and walking away.
- The Naughty Word - It will happen. I guess its just relying on them to choose a quiet place to say it, which may well be rare. I haven't really experienced this, my children have said a few naughty words (not swear words) but just in the house around us such as 'bugger' which I do tell them not to say again and they do generally listen. I imagine its when they start school and they get older that they start learning new naughty words.
- Public Embarrasment - Out shopping with my 4 year old and she needed the toilet, whilst queuing as it was busy, my daughter turned around and said quite loudly "Mummy, do you need a poo too?" yes people laughed and I joined in very red faced, thanks darling.
- Public Puke - This happened to us out of the blue, we had just sat down and were browsing the menu at lunch, when my daughter who had been fine all done, threw up everywhere. No warning, no explanation, luckily the staff were forgiving but safe to say we left without eating.
These are just a few by the way, your little darling may surprise you further! So sit back, relax and enjoy the parenthood ride with all of its ups and downs, it certainly is an experience you will never forget!